Sometimes It's Ok To Be Frustrated

I’m not sure what it might be, but I sat down for about 4 hours today trying to write something and update my blog. I, of course, wanted to write something about Madison. But I really couldn’t do it.

When I wanted to write something positive about Madison, I would draw a blank. I haven’t been feeling very positive about Madison. The lack of ethnicity started to get to me and I think in every aspect of my life. When I’d drive to work for example, I’d want to listen to the radio. But I couldn’t stand any of the radio stations in Madison. The music was either too suburban tween oriented, or too classic rock, or too country. I have nothing against these types of stations, but I really couldn’t seem to find anything on the radio the other day that would appeal to me. Seriously, where is the diversity on the radio? Luckily, technology has made it easy enough to listen to what I want, whenever I want, (thank you IPOD and Zune) but I just don’t get why there aren’t many others in Madison that would want the same thing? Or if there are, then why is nothing being done about it? To me it’s really odd that there really isn’t an ethnic DJ on the air in Madison and that there isn’t a hip-hop station in town. I realize that this is something so petty and trivial, but it just sometimes makes me so frustrated, that I could just, well, without sounding violent, turn my radio in my car into something resembling scrambled eggs.

And then when I would try to write something negative, I just couldn’t get myself to go on a rant without feeling guilty about it, especially since I know that other people might actually see or read how I was feeling. It has to do with the way I was raised. It’s always been a part of my culture to hold back our feelings, attitudes and emotions. Strangely, happiness is an emotion we’re all too happy to share with others so that others can join in as well. But when it comes to being angry, sad or hurt, those feelings are suppressed and really aren't talked about. Personally, I don’t believe that and I feel that you should be able to share the good with the bad, because in the end it’s about life, how you feel and how true you are to yourself and your friends. Yet still, it’s not easy for me to show the ‘not-so-positive’ side of things, even with my closest friends, and I know it’s because of the way I was raised.

So when it comes to writing about something that is ‘not-so-positive’ I can’t seem to be able to just say how I feel without wanting to turn it into something positive. Because sometimes, I just don’t want to be all cheerful and I don’t want to be completely positive. And I want to be able to just not be happy about the fact that I’m not able to listen to a radio station that appeals to me. When I’m frustrated about the fact that I want to listen to some old school 90’s hip-hop on the radio (and I’m not talking about Nsync or Backstreet Boys), or listen to someone who is from a diverse background, I want to be able to just be angry and know that it’s ok for me to say that it’s just not cool.