Stepping it YUP

Sometimes It's Ok To Be Frustrated

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:02:00 +0000

I’m not sure what it might be, but I sat down for about 4 hours today trying to write something and update my blog. I, of course, wanted to write something about Madison. But I really couldn’t do it.

When I wanted to write something positive about Madison, I would draw a blank. I haven’t been feeling very positive about Madison. The lack of ethnicity started to get to me and I think in every aspect of my life. When I’d drive to work for example, I’d want to listen to the radio. But I couldn’t stand any of the radio stations in Madison. The music was either too suburban tween oriented, or too classic rock, or too country. I have nothing against these types of stations, but I really couldn’t seem to find anything on the radio the other day that would appeal to me. Seriously, where is the diversity on the radio? Luckily, technology has made it easy enough to listen to what I want, whenever I want, (thank you IPOD and Zune) but I just don’t get why there aren’t many others in Madison that would want the same thing? Or if there are, then why is nothing being done about it? To me it’s really odd that there really isn’t an ethnic DJ on the air in Madison and that there isn’t a hip-hop station in town. I realize that this is something so petty and trivial, but it just sometimes makes me so frustrated, that I could just, well, without sounding violent, turn my radio in my car into something resembling scrambled eggs.

And then when I would try to write something negative, I just couldn’t get myself to go on a rant without feeling guilty about it, especially since I know that other people might actually see or read how I was feeling. It has to do with the way I was raised. It’s always been a part of my culture to hold back our feelings, attitudes and emotions. Strangely, happiness is an emotion we’re all too happy to share with others so that others can join in as well. But when it comes to being angry, sad or hurt, those feelings are suppressed and really aren't talked about. Personally, I don’t believe that and I feel that you should be able to share the good with the bad, because in the end it’s about life, how you feel and how true you are to yourself and your friends. Yet still, it’s not easy for me to show the ‘not-so-positive’ side of things, even with my closest friends, and I know it’s because of the way I was raised.

So when it comes to writing about something that is ‘not-so-positive’ I can’t seem to be able to just say how I feel without wanting to turn it into something positive. Because sometimes, I just don’t want to be all cheerful and I don’t want to be completely positive. And I want to be able to just not be happy about the fact that I’m not able to listen to a radio station that appeals to me. When I’m frustrated about the fact that I want to listen to some old school 90’s hip-hop on the radio (and I’m not talking about Nsync or Backstreet Boys), or listen to someone who is from a diverse background, I want to be able to just be angry and know that it’s ok for me to say that it’s just not cool.

Getting Smarter...Consciously

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:44:00 +0000

I’ve been hearing a lot about the economy recently. And not just from all the national news media sources, but from friends and family and people in Madison who are feeling the financial pressures of the current state of affairs.

More than anything what I’ve noticed is the toll that the economic downturn is taking on every aspect of our life. We’re getting scared to spend money so we’re saving by cutting costs which in turn affects industries that have to lay off their workers because there just isn’t enough work. I mean sometimes I feel like any decision I make has profound effects. Granted, the choice of me not buying one new sweater might not make that big of a difference, but if there were 30 other people who thought the same way I did then that could potentially cause a big difference in the economy.

One of the bigger changes that I’ve made recently is to really buy local and go to local restaurants if dining out. I figure with the recent rise in prices for things like groceries, if I’m going to be paying that much for apples, why not spend an extra dollar to support the local farmers. Or if I’m going to be going out to eat anyway, why not go to a local restaurant and support local businesses?

I think it’s not just that we need to be smarter about saving money, but it’s about being smarter about how and where we are spending our money these days. Because fear is not something that is going to help us get out of this ‘rut,’ but we just have to stick together and work through it.

Finally...A Good Change

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:32:00 +0000

So we come out with another victory. A new chance and a change from the past 8 years. There were a lot of shocking and of course the not so shocking parts to this election. But in the end, it was good and it was exactly what I’d hoped for because the most important part about President Obama’s message was the change he’s promised.

I think more than anything, the hope he promises, is what I loved most about him. He’s a change, a breath of fresh air, a million other things that I could go on and on about but I’ll spare you the details because I really could go on for a while.

What surprised me, and in fact shocked me the most about the election was the fact that an African American was elected President was even an issue. It seriously angers me how race and gender were even an issue in a country that is so smart, so knowledgeable and such a melting pot of just about everything, could really care about race. It was great being part of a historical election, and honestly it was great that we actually were able to put race aside for an instant and elect someone on their qualifications. But honestly, throughout the election, every once in a while I couldn’t help but think “Really? Is his race really still an issue?”

I guess I’ve just been spoilt and have been around a diverse & accepting community to an extent that maybe I’ve been sheltered from the rest of the country. Somehow I think I have just created an image in my head and have ignored what the rest of the country might be thinking. Again I guess it brings me back to this fantasy world I have created for myself.

I mean, yes, I can live in a place where people have different ideas and political beliefs, after all most places I’ve grown up in are the more conservative cities. But I’m hoping its more conservative because of their beliefs in taxes and the economy and has nothing to do about race. Here’s what bothered me about the race factor…that it was a factor in some people’s minds. Am I supposed to feel comfortable being in a country where the color of my skin would really be a larger issue than what and who I am. In this sense I am glad I live in Madison because atleast people here are accepting of my ethnicity. But what about the rest of the country? Should I always just be afraid of driving through small towns and limiting myself to the big and liberal cities?

Luckily I don’t really have to be that afraid since I know most people in look beyond the color of a person’s skin or where they come from. I don’t think a handful of people should really cause negative reactions from the rest of the country or the world in fact. So I guess I just wait for the next four years to happen and hopefully, the next four years will bring a decline in hate crimes and race will hopefully not be an issue anymore.

Is everything going downhill?

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:19:00 +0000

I’m a planner. A big planner. With some exceptions of course. I plan only long-term. I have my 5-year, 10-year, and 15-year plan down solid. I guess I can add monthly and weekly stuff as well. But that was back when everything just seemed so simple and so easy. That was way back in the day when everything seemed so stable and so secure. That happened to be only 3 weeks ago.

The financial crisis that is occurring right now is not only scary, but it’s changed everything for me. I can’t take things for granted as I had in the past. I always assumed that it’d be easy to always find a job, financially I’d be fine and things would always go the way I’d imagined if I just worked hard at it. I’ve always been so optimistic about everything, but I think that’s been changing a bit.I’m pretty sure all the optimism in the world isn’t going to stop the markets from crashing.

I’m nervous and I’m holding my breath just like the rest of the millions of Americans. I hate having the feeling that things might not be O.K. completely in the near future. I hate having to change my plans just because I’m not even completely sure what’s going to happen tomorrow. I don’t mean job wise, but I mean everything else. What if food all of a sudden skyrockets, rent becomes ridiculous, people who have had everything all of a sudden just might not have anything at all?

It’s definitely a scary world out there. I used to always believe that it was kind of the baby boomer generation that handled the economy in a very selfish way. But now I realize that I had a lot to do with it as well. I took everything I had for granted and just assumed that everything would work out in the end. I planned to a certain extent…I guess I didn’t really do a good enough job at it. There’s too much left up in the air these days.

I can watch the news and listen to all the theories about what we should possibly be doing to stop this crisis. Should I be that concerned or should I not? Right now…I’m concerned. When I see the stock market crumble day after day, I’m pretty sure I should be concerned.

I’m not sure what I should be planning on or what I should be doing tomorrow, let alone in 5 years. Maybe that’s what my problem was- karma, the universe’s way to tell me not to plan anymore. To just go with the flow. Boy that’s a hard lesson to learn. It’s just this whole uncertainty thing that’s going to drive me crazy.

Media and Stereotypes- Good, Bad or Ugly?

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 17:03:00 +0000

This month’s Madison Magazine has a picture of an Indian doctor on the cover. I don’t know how I feel about it exactly. There are some great things I can think of that are associated with it; amazing things in fact. But to be honest, I also can’t help but feel some negative association with it.

For starters, what I really like about the cover is that there’s an Indian on it (I am a little biased), she’s successful, she’s one of the best doctors in town and she’s a female. Madison is growing in diversity, and having someone of color on the cover of the magazine shows the changing cultural landscape in the city. Madison is changing on many fronts and to be at the forefront of those changes is really unbelievable. When I saw the cover I have to say that not only was I very proud, but also very happy to be a part of it.

But then I got thinking. I started thinking about stereotypes and generalizations. I guess I was thinking about it on a more personal level. Growing up I had basically two career choices: doctor or engineer. For many Indian kids, these are seen as the only career options, and basically the only thing that will make their parents happy. Many of my college friends chose one of these two career paths. It’s become a running joke for most of us that we either end up as doctors or engineers. Some others might add gas station owners and cab drivers to that list of stereotyping Indians.

Our generation, more than any other, are trying to break those stereotypes. To live beyond the pressures of our families and try careers that we want to do ourselves. That’s what I have struggled with the most. I’m not going to be a doctor; I had no interest in biology in college and I still don’t. I like numbers but engineering doesn’t interest me. So to convince my parents that I didn’t want to do those things was the one of the hardest things in the world. I still get the feeling from my parents that that’s what they wanted me to do—my dad especially.

Whenever he hears of my friends going to med school, or something similar, I know he feels that’s the path I should’ve followed. But after many, many years I finally convinced him to understand and come to terms with the fact that I have no interest in science. Finally … some progress! And then my parents see the cover of the September issue. Those feelings come back and the “what if” questions start again. Yes it’s a little selfish as to why I wasn’t completely happy about the cover of the magazine, but then I started to think about other covers of magazines.

How often is it that when there’s a person of color on the cover of a magazine they are represented within their stereotypes? April’s Vogue cover with LeBron James and Gisele Bundchen generated some controversy. LeBron had an almost gorilla-like presence, basketball in one hand and Gisele on the other. Some likened it to King Kong and also thought it conveyed an aggressive black man—a stereotype with negative connotations. This was also the first time that a black man had graced the cover of Vogue.

It’s hard with the media sometimes, especially when it comes to showing diversity. If you show a person of color doing stereotypical things are you perpetuating the stereotype negatively, or are you encouraging the public to look beyond those negative aspects? I personally don’t think all stereotypes are bad. We use stereotypes all of the time. It becomes problematic when those stereotypes turn into prejudice. Am I going to think that black men are aggressive after looking at the cover? No. But why was he shown aggressively? Was it really the only way to show him? And to think about it, when I look at the cover of Madison Magazine, do I first look at the white coat or the person behind it?

The Big Apple, Not So Big

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 17:12:00 +0000

Recently I went to New York City for the first time. Growing up, I had always thought of the city as perfect: It’s big, there are always things to do, people always around; the feeling that you can always keep going without stopping to take a breather. Growing up, I thought that was exactly what I wanted. To me, it symbolized endless opportunity and hope.

Wow, was I wrong! I went to NYC and although I had a wonderful time, I don’t think I could spend more than five days there at a time. Not because it’s too overwhelming (because really, it’s not), it’s just not what I want from a city. It was dirty, crowded, the people were aggressive, prices were unnecessarily expensive, and it really wasn’t that impressive. Don’t get me wrong: It’s a wonderful place to visit. It’s definitely got positive factors and the cultural diversity there is amazing. I loved seeing such diversity everywhere I went; not just with ethnicity, but in culture as well. There were things there that literally amazed me.

The highlight? Hands down, it was The Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was so incredibly awe-inspiring. I mean, they have a temple from ancient Egypt in the middle of the Met. To me, that’s insane! I can’t even imagine having something like that in Madison. I’ve been obsessed with ancient Egyptian history for ages and to actually see a temple that is over a thousand years old without having to leave the country is incredible. For the purpose of enhancing my cultural knowledge, I’d make a trip out to NYC every year. I don’t think there’s anything else like it.

While there though, all I could think about was coming back home to Madison. Maybe I’ve become too much of a Midwesterner. I like my big open spaces. I like walking down the street and people taking the time to stop and smile. I like it when I hear random stories from strangers. I like being able to walk fast if I need to. I like being able to drive anywhere I need to go. I like seeing clean streets and not black garbage bags everywhere (other than that dumpster diving day in August). I like having a big apartment and not paying twice as much for a space that’s half the size.

And that really surprised me. I’m not sure when, but somewhere in my many years of living in the Midwest, the lifestyle somehow rubbed off on me. And I like it. The only thing I’d like to see? Having somewhere that was open at three in the morning on a weeknight for satiating my late-night cravings besides Denny’s or Perkins!

Losing a Part of Myself?

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:00:00 +0000

I recently became a citizen of the United States. And when I mean recently, I mean just a couple of weeks ago. I have lived in the U.S. for more than thirteen years and was raised here. When people find out that I was born in Saudi Arabia and lived there until I was about nine years old, they’re very surprised. Or so they tell me anyway. And although I was born in Saudi Arabia, I have always been a citizen of India. That’s where my parents are from, that’s where I feel most at home, and that’s a part of me that I never want to lose.

The whole process of becoming a U.S. citizen took an extremely long time. First, you have to apply for your green card or permanent resident card, live in the country for a certain number of years, and then apply for citizenship. For some people it takes longer than normal, and I think my family and I fell into that category.

We did delay the whole applying for citizenship process for as long as possible and for various reasons. The biggest being: could a simple sheet of paper change our devotion and ties to our heritage? By becoming a citizen would that mean that we were going to completely give up being Indian? When asked to identify myself does that mean I call myself an American, an Indian, or an Indian-American? Most of my entire extended family lives in India. We try to make trips every year or every other year. Would it become a situation where I wasn’t going to see them as often and soon they’ll become strangers to me as well? Were they going to think of us as too American or too assimilated into American culture and life?

Truthfully those were a lot of the things that we considered when deciding whether to go ahead with it or not. I know it’s just a piece of paper that signifies that you’ve become a citizen, but that piece of paper means so much to so many people. For me it was a pretty easy decision, of course; I have practically lived here my entire life. But when my parents moved here, they gave up so much. They moved thousands of miles away from their families. Their brothers and sisters lived in an entirely different country. They saw their parents only once every few years. I can’t even imagine that. If I go more than a month without seeing my family I tend to feel so separated and I end up feeling lost without them. I’m not sure how they did it at all. They gave up so much in order to raise us kids and give us all of the opportunities in the world. We’ve had it pretty easy compared to most other people.

So when I was sitting in that courtroom, taking my oath of allegiance, along with seventy-five other people from thirty-three other countries, in Milwaukee, Wis., it was weird how all I could think about was how I was missing work for this. It has been a long process, and for some people it really is a sense of accomplishment. Because they’ve been through the struggles, the hardships, and everything else it took to get to that courtroom. They weren’t giving up their identities and where they were coming from. It was mostly, I believe, their sense of accomplishment for getting there. The things they had to go through, the things they gave up for it, the sense of belonging, but not really all at the same time. It was just really nice to be able to share that moment with them.

Seeing Is Believing

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:05:00 +0000

I was talking to my sister recently about adjusting to life in another city—most importantly, meeting people. My sister relocated to Seattle about the same time that I came back to Madison. She moved there after she got married and somehow settled into her husband’s life. His friends became her friends and she was OK with that. For a while.

Once she started working, she figured she’d meet more people and build her circle of friends that way. But what my sister is struggling the most with is taking that next step in settling down. She has a job, she’s met a couple of people at work, but in her industry everyone is older. Like me, she’s a young professional in a new city, and I’ve tried explaining to her how now we need to take that time in building our networks—professionally and socially.

Luckily in Madison there are some great organizations that help young professionals adjust. They’ve definitely helped me along the way. Take MAGNET, for example. The YP networking organization holds multiple events every month, and the nice thing is that they’re not industry-specific and there’s lots of different ways to plug in. There are social gatherings, public policy sessions, community service opportunities and more. And if you don’t find something you like through MAGNET, the group is always looking for great ideas. So far, I’ve had only good experiences there.

This might sound strange, but what I like most about MAGNET is seeing with my own two eyes that I’m not the only one out there. I have no idea why I keep thinking my generation is all in hiding somewhere, but every time I go to a MAGNET event I’m reminded that there are a lot of people out there just like me. And it’s nice to see people with similar goals and interests in one place.

So that’s what I told my sister. Seattle’s been rated as one of the top cities for young professionals, so I’m pretty sure all she has to do is make the conscious effort to try to find them.
It’s making that first step that’s the hardest and most difficult. After that, everything else sort of falls into place.

Road Trips!

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:25:00 +0000

I like where I am in life at the moment. No real responsibilities, no one to really answer to, no diehard obligations. I’ve spent too many years worrying about the future, planning for it, and spending time either working or doing the responsible thing. At this stage in my life, I’m just trying to enjoy every minute of it.

I know I’m not even close to seeing all that Madison has to offer, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a huge chunk of it. I’ve already picked out my favorite hang-out spot (The Union Terrace and no, I can never get tired of that place!), coffee shop (Barriques by the Capital) and best restaurant (Vientienne off of State). I know there’s plenty of places left to explore, but I don’t want to tire of it so fast. I want to be able to have the enthusiasm and the love of the city for as long as possible.

One of my favorite things to do is get out of town, even if it’s just for a night or weekend. Since Madison has some but certainly not all of the things I’m looking for from a city (not just the number of people, but the diversity in people- and I don't just mean in terms of race and ethnicity, and places besides Denny's and Perkins that are open until 4 in the morning) I’m so glad that it’s close enough to places like Chicago and Minneapolis for me to escape and grow as a person. I’ve been back in Madison for almost a year, and I’ve spent less than ten weekends here in town. It’s not because I don’t enjoy weekend life in Madison, but because I simply like to explore cities and meet new people and cultures.

Being able to pack up my bags one weekend, leave, come back, unpack, work during the week, and then pack up again to go somewhere else keeps me going. I feel like I’ve found the work-life balance that works for me.

Diversity in Madison. Does it exist?

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:27:00 +0000

I wrote my first couple of blogs recently and was asked more than a few times what I thought was lacking in Madison. Simply, for me, it’s diversity.

I hate to say it but Madison is just not the most diverse place in the world, and when you’re a young professional just starting out, you would naturally want to find a city that you feel comfortable in—a place that you can call home, with people you like to surround yourself with and who make you feel as comfortable as possible.

I’ve never been the most active person when it comes to diversity related issues, but I know what I like about the people I surround myself with. While I grew up in white suburbia, I’ve lived all over the world, and I like my fix of diversity. I’ve been brought up with it. I know this might sound kind of foreign but when we were younger and moving around from city to city my parents would always make sure my siblings and me were surrounded by other Indian kids. Obviously they wouldn’t go to the same schools that we’d go to, but that was why my parents stressed even more that we make friends with them.

Back then, I resented my parents for forcing me to be friends with them or even try to understand what their reasoning was behind it, but now I realize how important those kinds of friends are. My parents never forced me in college to be friends with all the Indian kids, somehow it just kind of happened. My closest and best friends mostly happen to be Indian or Pakistani. I never actively sought them out; somehow we were just drawn to each other. We shared the same experiences growing up (such as being forced to be friends with other Indian kids!) and it just made it so nice to be able to be ourselves around each other without having to explain every little detail about our lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I love explaining about my culture and my life and my experiences growing up, because I absolutely love people’s genuine interests in wanting to learn more, but sometimes it’s just easier to not have to do that. I just like people to know that I can never have enough spice in my food or that when you enter someone’s house you just take your shoes off.
And when it comes to Madison (I’m not just talking about the Indians or Pakistanis, I’m talking about all the ethnic people that somehow seem to leave the city after they finish school) I’m sure they all have their various reasons for leaving, but I’ll bet diversity, or lack thereof, is a huge part of it.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin to try and fix the lack of diversity in Madison, but I do know that it will be a long process. And to be perfectly honest, yes, Madison might not be so diverse ethnically, but I have never come across people who are more interested in learning about and welcoming to a diverse crowd. So I guess Madison does seem to have the foundation for being more diverse, it just needs the right people to stick around and make it happen.

Where Do All the Young People Go?

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:11:00 +0000

After college, most of my friends left to lead lives in different cities. Some chose New York, Milwaukee or Chicago. Some decided to move back home. A handful chose Madison, and I happen to be one of them.

I like Madison, I think it’s a great place to live, but there have been so many times when I’ve just felt like it might be too small. Those big cities that called my friends’ names have one thing that also draws me to them—other young professionals like me, fresh out of school, starting out their careers, and seeking new social networks to replace the ones we all cherished in college.

So where are the rest of us? And how in the world do I find them? In between all the college students and the families, I feel squeezed in the middle somewhere and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

I’ve made a conscious choice recently to try and find other young urban professionals, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out how many there actually are in Madison.

I’m slowly breaking away from the college scene, one I’ve been familiar and comfortable with for a long time. Finding more young people like me might not be the easiest, but I’m sure it can be done, and it’s a journey that I’m more than excited to start.

My Favorite Spot

noreply@blogger.com (Madison Magazine) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:19:00 +0000

To me, Madison is a small town. Take away the college and it becomes even smaller. We don’t have big skyscrapers, taxis at our feet, or huge crowds. What we do have are two beautiful lakes, an environment that always makes us feel welcome, and a Terrace that will always be home to thousands of students, alumni and countless others.

One of the hardest things that I’ve had to do since I moved back to Madison was actually MOVE back to Madison. This didn’t involve the physical moving all of my clothes and furniture (for the first time I was actually buying big-people’s furniture but that’s another blog altogether). Instead this involved my mental and emotional connection to a city that I have only known as a college town.

I graduated from UW a semester early in December 2006, and I knew living in Madison as a 22-year-old grownup was going to be difficult. For starters, my parents were no longer supporting me. And while my goal was always to become independent, I found it extremely hard moving out of my childhood home in Minneapolis and back to Madison, where this time most of my friends were graduating and moving on. The only people I knew were the ones who were still in school. Slowly the number of friends I could rely on dwindled. Every semester a new crop of grads would leave town for the next stage in life, either head back home to the parents or off to a big city.

I’ve always been a big-city girl even though I’ve never actually lived in a big city. I’ve only known that every time I visit a big city, all I can do is picture my life there. That’s why I’m surprised that I actually like it here. While I moved to Madison for the sole reason of a job, that job increasingly shows me who this city really is and what brings people back over and over again.

Maybe we’re drawn to our memories associated with this place. Maybe it’s the fact that no matter how old you get, the Memorial Union Terrace is always the best place to feel connected to people. Maybe it’s the fact that East Washington will always have construction on it, no matter how long we live here. Or maybe it’s just the fact that the moment you step outside you know there’s always something that will make you feel like you are home.